


Supermarket Flowers

by zugzwangxo



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Ed Sheeran - Freeform, Other, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 16:40:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10495131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zugzwangxo/pseuds/zugzwangxo
Summary: The moment I heardthis song, I knew what to write...





	

here was so much silence. After everyone had all gone it was like everything in the room was suddenly unreal. It was like one of those moments in an artistic movie where there’s no sound and every picture is supposed to have a meaning that you don’t comprehend. It was the same apartment, in the same building with all the same belongings but it was like none of it belonged.

Spencer walked over to the light that streamed from the window either side of the slowly wilting flowers he’d brought home less than a week ago. The bright colours had faded from the petals as the flora hung its head in sadness and respect. This wasn’t their burden to bear, so he picked up the vase and moved to the kitchen, each step he took becoming an insult to the respectful noiselessness.

Spilling the water into the sink, Spencer’s eyes wandered to the counter, to the single mug that had been left by the side. Perhaps she’d been too tired to wash it or tip it away. Maybe she’d just forgotten it. Either way, she wouldn’t want it now and he could tip that away too.

Wandering back through into the living room, no idea what to do with himself, Spencer searched for some kind of meaning to take away the numbness. Stopping by the coffee table, he looked down to the items on its surface, the mess she’d left behind. The corner of a thick book protruded from under a stack of newspapers, drawing his attention to the point that he had to pull it free of its entrapment. In his hands was the scrapbook that he’d brought to her to cheer her up. A whole life in these pages, one which he’d give anything to live over again.

_I took the supermarket flowers from the windowsill_  
Threw the day old tea from the cup  
Packed up the photo album that you had made  
Memories of a life that’s been loved 

In his bedroom there, were, even more, items, more memorabilia that would haunt him if left alone. The card that Henry and Michael had made for her, her boxes of pills on the bedside cabinet, even the strange tasting soda that she seemed to love in a bottle by the side of the bed, it all had to go. It took everything in him to even move, but it had to go.

There were many memories of when he was young... when they’d been a family, where they’d both told him to be strong, but how could he be strong right now. Sitting at the edge of the bed, it began to sink in. The reality was that he’d never hear her voice again and it was a pain he couldn’t bare. ‘All it takes is a single tear to open the floodgates’ he heard his inner voice say, but the tear came regardless.

_Took the get well soon cards and stuffed animals_  
Poured the old ginger beer down the sink  
Dad always told me don’t you cry when you’re down  
But mum there’s a tear every time that I blink 

“I’m so sorry,” he sobbed to no one. “I should have been there…”

The longer he sat, the more he thought of all the times he’d needed her, all the times she was there. Tears began to stream and Spencer’s face turned red in anguish of all of the things that he’ll never be able to do or say to her again. Turning back, he placed a hand on the middle of the bed where he’d found her.

_Oh I’m in pieces it’s tearing me up but I know  
A heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved_

“I know…” he began before choking up. “I know that I’ve never really believed… but I need you to look after her. I’ve done what I could, and I need you to take it from here…” He laughed a little through his tears, unable to believe what he was doing but the prayer continued. “She… she was my mom and… I loved her, even when she was at her worst… but you best be thankful, because in her own way she was so amazing, and loving and…”

He couldn’t do it. The words wouldn’t keep coming, so instead, he looked up at the ceiling like he’d seen so many people with faith do and just thought the things he wanted to say.

_So I’ll sing Hallelujah, you were an angel in the shape of my mum_  
When I fell down you’d be there holding me up  
Spread your wings as you go  
And when God takes you back  
He’ll say Hallelujah, you’re home. 

The space in the bed where she’d lay was still unmade, a sign of what had happened that needed to be removed. Frantically, he grabbed hold of the pillow, tugging at the ends so that it straightened and puffed out before pulling the corner of the duvet across. Spencer was about to lean down to pick up her nightgown when the second wave hit him like a storm surge. Crying out with tears, he held his head in his hands, sobbing once more.

“Spence…” came a warm and comforting voice, causing him to stand and look in embarrassment. In the doorway stood JJ, sympathy in her eyes and an apologetic smile on her lips. “I’m so sorry about…”

“Don’t say it,” he pleaded, more tears running down his face. “I… I can’t yet.”

“It’s ok,” she replied. “We don’t have to say or do anything yet.”

There was a short and awkward pause where neither party even seemed to breathe until Spencer broke and stepped forward. Instinctively, JJ accepted him into an embrace, wrapping him up in her arms and letting him hide against her shoulder. The pair stood, JJ rubbing his back soothingly like she would her own child, for what seemed like hours even though it was only moments.

“I need to… make arrangements…” Spencer began, standing up straight again. His cheeks and eyes were bright red from crying but his expression was determined.

“Spencer, that can wait…” she began in reply but he knew what he wanted.

“No, I wanna do it now,” he answered, another tear beginning to roll down the side of his cheek. JJ cupped his face in her hands, wiping away the tear with her thumb as she looked into his eyes and saw the need to busy himself.

“Ok,” she said. “But I’m coming with you.”

_I fluffed the pillows, made the beds, stacked the chairs up_  
Folded your nightgowns neatly in a case  
JJ said she’d drive, then put her hand on my cheek  
And wiped a tear from the side of my face 

Staring out of the car window, Spencer watched as all of the people went about their day. None of them seemed to show the sorrow that he felt and it made him wonder how the world could stand still for a single person as the rest of humanity went on with their lives like nothing was happening. However, he’d seen it. He knew that everyone would go through it at some point, losing someone you loved; and they’d always say that a person’s loving memory would mean that they’re never really gone. If anything, he was proud of her, knowing that even though she hadn’t had the best of lives she would always be thinking of him and the love she showed him was all he ever needed from her. Hopefully, now, she was at peace. There were no more paranoias to torment her, no more delusions, no more hallucinations. Just rest.

_I hope that I see the world as you did cause I know_  
A life with love is a life that’s been lived  
So I’ll sing Hallelujah, you were an angel in the shape of my mum  
When I fell down you’d be there holding me up  
Spread your wings as you go, when God takes you back  
He’ll say Hallelujah, you’re home 


End file.
